Life was very lazy last two days

It was all about height of being lazy, neither the mind nor the body wanted to anything. In fact I had to push myself to get something done.

Don't know and don't want to know what was the reason worked within me, actually I'm finding it much more relief by not asking myself, but some how deep inside my heart I really want to know. I had done nothing other than passing time for nothing. I could have utilized the time in very different way.

I could have done something for my home, may be something for myself, but somehow noting happened. I wish I could go back in time and clear some of the lines what life has already scrabbled. I want to see myself happy or may be my thoughts. But due to the current circumstances I’m not able to do so.

In short life has added nothing in past two days. Today while I’m in office and writing this post, I don’t know there is something inside me is going on, I really failed to give it a name, is it a desire which is not coming out to be true, may be a dream which I’d dreamed off but somehow not seems to be realizing, or could be my unclear thinking which is not reaching it’s level where it should be. Could be anything, but somehow I’ll not push this to come out.

I have changed a lot in past few days. Life has showed me some thing which I never wanted to see. But somehow it’s a part of life and I have to cross this phase of life. Wishing myself all the best. Work is getting more and tougher. Being a manager I started taking the strain but sometime I also need someone with whom I want to be a kid, kid of life, kid of stupidity, I have someone with whom I never felt anything bad, I went crazy with her, I’m a kid, but somehow she is not always around me when I want to say, and thinking can’t be a slave of the time, right? Why things are so different today?
I want to go back and ask why?